Updated: Aug 7, 2021
I started to swim in the rivers and lakes close to my home four months after my hysterectomy. I never had access to swimming pools due to covid19 and I was stuggling to be fully mobile again after my operation. My go to hobby of walking and exploring either city or country side had been taken away from me. With lack of NHS support during this time I felt this was the only way to build up my strength and destroyed core area. I never realised how much this venture would take over my life.
I was wondering how to express how mentally and physically effected I was by this sudden hystorectomy, at the time it was something I could not even put into words. I felt destroyed by my body's failures, to the point of almost loss of life. How could my body nearly take me away from my young children who need me so badly, only then to need most of my reproductive organs taken away in emergency surgery anyway.
After the operation my body felt broken, alienated and not my own at all. I had previously felt intune with my body and this gave me a sence of feminine empowerment. I also felt de-sexulised, de-femanine and a de-meternal version of me. I no longer fit into the catogary of reproductive, but im not menopausal either. I am actually in a very non natural place in between. I love all things natural, I gave birth naturally with no intervention at all, and this pleased me, to be suddenly medically unatural feels very odd to me. My own body feels at odds.
I accidently pressed rechord on my phone during one of my first official wild swims. Seeing my body swim through the golden peaty water felt like it said more about my healing journey, and keeping my head afloat during these times, than I could have possibly imagined.
I videoed my goosebumps, and this life saving act gave me a tiny glimmer of hope, that my body was indeed trying to keep me alive.
Therfore, the videoing and swimming both became a cathatic act in strengthing and reclaiming this damaged body.
'Water has always held the magic power to cure'
Rodger Deakin - Waterlog